Khuda ke liye..

I had returned with disturbing thoughts after watching Khuda ke liye.. I felt I needed to do something.. I wondered in which world I am living.. So much was going around me, I was unaffected and so unawre, ofcourse I have read in papers, but never realised those things happen for real..The impact of the movie was within me for a couple of days, but then it dwindled away..

More movies came, Aamir, A Wednesday,New York.. all had similar tales to tell..Incidents like 9/11 ,26/11 occured, I was affected yes, but again, life moves on..I was at CST the very next day like many other "aam aadmi".

Today it has arisen again, I watched Kurbaan..I have never bothered to find out anything more about terrorism, than the fact that people turn terrorists for their long-lost rights, the twists thru which life took them etc etc.. It didn't occur to me ever,read, I consciously didn't bother, that there was one thing common to all these traumas, it was always something regarding a Muslim. I didn't bother because it was hard for me to generalize it like that, I have many friends who are
Muslims, and I have never heard even one of them say, how much trauma their comm face!I have never seen them have any problem just because they have a Muslim name,may be I've never been to the post-9/11-US, or for that matter, even outside India.. I actually don't know why all this hatred and revenge is for.. But somewhere deep down this is scaring me..I went to a Muslim ilaaka today to get my furniture and cant find any reason, but I was disturbed, shit scared to stand there alone..I somehow fled..What/who is responsible for this.. The same me, who has grown up in a Muslim dominated place, who has played with,spent most of my childhood with,friendly n nice people who believe in Islam.. The terrorists who are just a handful of Muslims, see the impact they create in the society. Whose rights are they fighting for? Rest of the Muslims, who live their everyday life peacefully, earning for themselves and their family, and who are suspiciously looked upon everywhere? As Vivek Oberoi says in the movie, this is not what Allah wants.. Khuda ke liye, I wish these acts see an end..

adios.. to a great life..

I just wish this passing stage of my life gives me a lot to ponder on later in life, when am in the normal routine of life, in the hustle of catching a train back to home, just to reach early to my baby and then to cook food for my family, may be I will think of those days when we all used to return from office in car, taking the longest route possible, munching on the vada pav and mirchi from sewri, held up in traffic, still wanting to reach as late as possible, cracking all PJs, eating each others head, cursing Rajiths burps, tolerating Ambulys repeatophobia, helping Rajith to irritate Sowmya and being in the comfort of my dear Saurabh, me just beside him, his palm on top of mine, to change the gear.. Ah, I wish I think about these days then as the sweetest memories of my life, the college or school days were similar, but everyone of us came a long way ahead and the tears of farewell we shed then seem to be forgotten now, nevertheless the friendships, the promises and relations remain.. Somewhere I feel this time its not gonna be like that, yet another farewell may be, but then why do I feel the impact is gonna stay.. why do I feel that these days cannot be replaced.. Life has only improved for me, from school, to college, to now.. I have met wonderful and more wonderful people, have had good and better company around, but suddenly am feeling its all an end now.. Nothing more is in store.. All that has ended..

I may be having lunches and dinners on the table, with the closest people of my life with me, but will I ever get back those lunches I had with them on the floor, newspaper spread, eating like animals, attacking food, grasping from each others plate at the most untimely hours of the day.. Will I have the same thrill of kicking Rajith and running behind Saurabh for protection, when I will play with my kid.. Will I not miss the hours of chatter spent with Ambuly in bus when I listen to songs and solitude and go off to sleep, on the way.. Sowmya and me may be playing host to our guests at our homes, but will it ever be the same as what we together did..Salu may be a serious mom with her kids, but I wonder how can I help but not tell how she was, when she was with us. Breakfasts wont be bread and omelette then, Kuldeep wont be making them too, and there wont be ten of us to have that from 4 plates, still life will be beautiful, but will I be enjoying it as I do now? Movies I will go then too, but the no of tickets will be just two.. How will I not miss the chain mails sent for nothing, other than to pull eachother/pass time in office/choke the network.. How will those chain mails be possible when my day is someones night in that country, my leisure time is someones study time in hostel..

Things will change, wish it never does.. Cant help but accept some changes as life moves on.. Wish my mind knows these too..

May his soul rest in peace..

I know words wont help.. its all gone now.. he was no-one to me, but even I can feel the sorrow of his loss.. the sorrow of his family, his friends.. Tears fell uncontrollably when I read his orkut profile. Someone had scrapped “hey, are you alive?”.. No dear, he is really not! Difficult to accept? Just like me.. I wonder how his family will see him in that state, his mom who is still unaware that her son is no more, his lil sister who is unaware that her brothers body is being carried across all borders of the world, to reach her. His dad, who must be hiding his tears so that mom wont die of shock.. He must have been a great guy, he was my brothers friend, his ‘veeran’... “A funny little guy with great dreams and living life by the moments.” thats what he wrote about himself in orkut.. All his dreams are no more, his family’s hopes are no more, he is no more.. Why does God do this.. Why did your heart stop dear, when so many people like us where inside it.. Why did you leave your family to a shock of a heart attack?? You talked to them a few hours before you left them? Was it because your heart wanted to hear your moms voice for a last time.. If only she had known that..

Why am I crying like this? If you could make someone who has even seldom talked to you cry, u have any idea how your dear ones are living now?? Please come back dear.. please.. I heard about this on April 1st, I still believe someone fooled me.. Please come back hale and healthy, I want to see you on the tracks again.. your family needs you.. everyone wants you..


P.S : I wrote this just to control my tears by pouring them out here.. Whoever reads this, please pray for his soul.. Its so painful..we might recover later on, but the three others in his family never will.. Please pray for them too..

Tears...

This was written when I was totally low after a quarrel with him. Thought of not posting this, but with your permission dear, Iam.. Something for us to read and laugh later on in life.. :)


Burning I am inside, but still I have a smile on my face..
Will never let you down darling.. perfect couple we will be..
I will hide my tears for that.. may be weep silently..
But in the darkness, the world not watching me..
Leave me alone you said,
But you don’t know dear who is left alone..
In your dreams I live.. and the hopes you gave
You know too the hurdles I faced
Just to be your girl..
Leave me alone you said,
But you don’t know dear who is left alone..
These tears are invaluable my love
Thou you may not know now
Its my heart crying..
Cos its just that which is hurt..
Not me... not me...