Pluto Goofy and more..

Long time since I posted something, deliberately taking a break. But will come back soon, to share my world to my blog. But this one is not from me, thou it is very close to my heart, penned down by my best friend, but I am publishing it without his knowledge. I found it very sweet, a day taken from his dream, and am closely involved in it too! Cheers to his first write up!

It was 3 in the morning when I reached back. After a hectic day in the office, only thing that gave me smile was the bunch of cigars which a friend of mine gifted. I loved to smoke one after all those years of smoking ban put up by my wife. When I entered my bedroom the only thing in my mind was to have a sound sleep. I didn’t even bother to change my faded Levis. I searched for space over the bed in the dim light when I found the usual bunch of soft toys lying so peacefully in my space. Without bothering my wife who was in her usual trousers and some light shaded camisole, I took them one by one and kept in a safe place on the bedside furnishing. Stretching out one last time I made myself comfortable in my part of the bed. I felt like all those pounds that piled up in my head jus went out through my legs. While comforting myself in the thick woollen blanket I jus ensured that the soft toys are not on the floor coz I didn’t wanna have a scary morning. My wife took care of them a lot. I seriously believed that after having the baby girl, her craze over those soft lifeless creatures would die out. It never happened. They remained to be there in her world with the same authority and it still remained to be her favourite birthday presents. It used to help me saving some part of my time and when it comes to the big issue of gifts. I still had a few problems of avoiding repetitions and choosing the apt name for each of them. I found it easy after my girl grew up and started following comics and cartoons. These days i leave the naming part to mom and daughter. but on some lazy evenings, when i roll back mind to those post college memories, i miss the tension that i had finding names for all those smiling toys.


With final glimpse at the bunch i found that somewhere down the line i too had shaped up a relation with them. A relation which i cant exactly name. A derivative of love, may be. All those goodies were witnesses to her smiles and excitements, to the love and passion that me n my wife carried all through the years. Just like everyone we too never bothered to keep them away even in the craziest of nights. They always had that smile. Smile that differed from one to other,but out of happiness. Wonderful they are, because they always smiled and made all who saw them do the same. They just carried a single emotion all throughout their lifespan. Might be that made them life less.
I kept on thinking about all those beautiful memories which had them playing some role till dreams took my mind away.
The next time when we went to the nearby Mall, i just happened to visit the Archies coz of my little brown eyed girl. Our shopping was paused for a while when i found myself so much attracted towards the stack of huggables in the corner. It was a surprise for my little girl and she would have even doubted if her moms birthday was nearing. I just looked into each of their faces while my kiddo started searching for the one she likes. All those faces had different smiles. Some of them had smiles right from the bottom of their hearts, i felt. Some were more of a manufacturing defect coz for me their smiles never had a meaning. All of them carried an emotion that was more on the happier side of feelings. All of them were created to bring smiles. Many of them managed to achieve the target. Some of them failed. I found a strange similarity between the lifeless toys and the living folks in and around me. They never cried unless they were moulded to do the same. But the living folks did cry and made others cry, though the purpose of birth was different. For me the life span of the latter bunch found more meaningful. Might be coz I am one among them.

Khuda ke liye..

I had returned with disturbing thoughts after watching Khuda ke liye.. I felt I needed to do something.. I wondered in which world I am living.. So much was going around me, I was unaffected and so unawre, ofcourse I have read in papers, but never realised those things happen for real..The impact of the movie was within me for a couple of days, but then it dwindled away..

More movies came, Aamir, A Wednesday,New York.. all had similar tales to tell..Incidents like 9/11 ,26/11 occured, I was affected yes, but again, life moves on..I was at CST the very next day like many other "aam aadmi".

Today it has arisen again, I watched Kurbaan..I have never bothered to find out anything more about terrorism, than the fact that people turn terrorists for their long-lost rights, the twists thru which life took them etc etc.. It didn't occur to me ever,read, I consciously didn't bother, that there was one thing common to all these traumas, it was always something regarding a Muslim. I didn't bother because it was hard for me to generalize it like that, I have many friends who are
Muslims, and I have never heard even one of them say, how much trauma their comm face!I have never seen them have any problem just because they have a Muslim name,may be I've never been to the post-9/11-US, or for that matter, even outside India.. I actually don't know why all this hatred and revenge is for.. But somewhere deep down this is scaring me..I went to a Muslim ilaaka today to get my furniture and cant find any reason, but I was disturbed, shit scared to stand there alone..I somehow fled..What/who is responsible for this.. The same me, who has grown up in a Muslim dominated place, who has played with,spent most of my childhood with,friendly n nice people who believe in Islam.. The terrorists who are just a handful of Muslims, see the impact they create in the society. Whose rights are they fighting for? Rest of the Muslims, who live their everyday life peacefully, earning for themselves and their family, and who are suspiciously looked upon everywhere? As Vivek Oberoi says in the movie, this is not what Allah wants.. Khuda ke liye, I wish these acts see an end..

adios.. to a great life..

I just wish this passing stage of my life gives me a lot to ponder on later in life, when am in the normal routine of life, in the hustle of catching a train back to home, just to reach early to my baby and then to cook food for my family, may be I will think of those days when we all used to return from office in car, taking the longest route possible, munching on the vada pav and mirchi from sewri, held up in traffic, still wanting to reach as late as possible, cracking all PJs, eating each others head, cursing Rajiths burps, tolerating Ambulys repeatophobia, helping Rajith to irritate Sowmya and being in the comfort of my dear Saurabh, me just beside him, his palm on top of mine, to change the gear.. Ah, I wish I think about these days then as the sweetest memories of my life, the college or school days were similar, but everyone of us came a long way ahead and the tears of farewell we shed then seem to be forgotten now, nevertheless the friendships, the promises and relations remain.. Somewhere I feel this time its not gonna be like that, yet another farewell may be, but then why do I feel the impact is gonna stay.. why do I feel that these days cannot be replaced.. Life has only improved for me, from school, to college, to now.. I have met wonderful and more wonderful people, have had good and better company around, but suddenly am feeling its all an end now.. Nothing more is in store.. All that has ended..

I may be having lunches and dinners on the table, with the closest people of my life with me, but will I ever get back those lunches I had with them on the floor, newspaper spread, eating like animals, attacking food, grasping from each others plate at the most untimely hours of the day.. Will I have the same thrill of kicking Rajith and running behind Saurabh for protection, when I will play with my kid.. Will I not miss the hours of chatter spent with Ambuly in bus when I listen to songs and solitude and go off to sleep, on the way.. Sowmya and me may be playing host to our guests at our homes, but will it ever be the same as what we together did..Salu may be a serious mom with her kids, but I wonder how can I help but not tell how she was, when she was with us. Breakfasts wont be bread and omelette then, Kuldeep wont be making them too, and there wont be ten of us to have that from 4 plates, still life will be beautiful, but will I be enjoying it as I do now? Movies I will go then too, but the no of tickets will be just two.. How will I not miss the chain mails sent for nothing, other than to pull eachother/pass time in office/choke the network.. How will those chain mails be possible when my day is someones night in that country, my leisure time is someones study time in hostel..

Things will change, wish it never does.. Cant help but accept some changes as life moves on.. Wish my mind knows these too..

Vidai..

Those days I never understood what it was all about.. shaadi ke baad vidai, rona dhona melodrama.. May be all those were nonsense to me.. All that mattered to me was that when you are getting married, when you are entering a phase of happiness, why all this drama for.. All that mattered to me was the love that existed between a couple, the urge to be together, the day both of them wait for..

Today I have different meanings to it.. When am almost there for marriage.. When my name is climbing up the waiting list.. Realisations have struck me.. My perspectives have changed.. I can say it has totally changed in the last 3 months.. May be I needed nothing more than the engagement.. My love has been approved, by parents, by public.. That’s all I wanted.. cos, me and he remain the same, before, now and even afterwards..

Marriage is gonna make a lot of difference, not to the relation between us.. But my relation with others.. I wish I can stop the world from revolving right now, I wish I have a time machine with me.. I wish I can lock and unlock it whenever I want.. I wish these days never end.. These days of togetherness, friends.. and… family too.. And some relations which make no sense to others..

                   

The promises that nothing will change echoes in my ears and mind, but have to accept, it will change.. the bubbliness in me might fade, the responsibilities and roles of a wife, daughter-in-law will take its place.. I wont be a child in that house.. nobody will pet me in that house.. I wont have a brother there to pamper me.. I wont have a mom to listen to my innocent sweet talks.. I wont be a child there, I will have to become a lady.. On whom they all have expectations, which am bound to fulfil. Only thing which will be familiar there will be his love for me.. Which yeah, would be enough to forget the rest of the world.. But will it be possible for me?

That day my brother had told- you are too small for marriage, are you actually ready for it? This question didn’t sound complicated then, but why is it feeling now... why do I feel like being a baby now? Why do I feel like getting all the love and concern? Do all girls experience this, or am I thinking weird? Why do I have a feeling even am gonna cry that day, after my marriage, for my vidai...

May his soul rest in peace..

I know words wont help.. its all gone now.. he was no-one to me, but even I can feel the sorrow of his loss.. the sorrow of his family, his friends.. Tears fell uncontrollably when I read his orkut profile. Someone had scrapped “hey, are you alive?”.. No dear, he is really not! Difficult to accept? Just like me.. I wonder how his family will see him in that state, his mom who is still unaware that her son is no more, his lil sister who is unaware that her brothers body is being carried across all borders of the world, to reach her. His dad, who must be hiding his tears so that mom wont die of shock.. He must have been a great guy, he was my brothers friend, his ‘veeran’... “A funny little guy with great dreams and living life by the moments.” thats what he wrote about himself in orkut.. All his dreams are no more, his family’s hopes are no more, he is no more.. Why does God do this.. Why did your heart stop dear, when so many people like us where inside it.. Why did you leave your family to a shock of a heart attack?? You talked to them a few hours before you left them? Was it because your heart wanted to hear your moms voice for a last time.. If only she had known that..

Why am I crying like this? If you could make someone who has even seldom talked to you cry, u have any idea how your dear ones are living now?? Please come back dear.. please.. I heard about this on April 1st, I still believe someone fooled me.. Please come back hale and healthy, I want to see you on the tracks again.. your family needs you.. everyone wants you..


P.S : I wrote this just to control my tears by pouring them out here.. Whoever reads this, please pray for his soul.. Its so painful..we might recover later on, but the three others in his family never will.. Please pray for them too..

Tears...

This was written when I was totally low after a quarrel with him. Thought of not posting this, but with your permission dear, Iam.. Something for us to read and laugh later on in life.. :)


Burning I am inside, but still I have a smile on my face..
Will never let you down darling.. perfect couple we will be..
I will hide my tears for that.. may be weep silently..
But in the darkness, the world not watching me..
Leave me alone you said,
But you don’t know dear who is left alone..
In your dreams I live.. and the hopes you gave
You know too the hurdles I faced
Just to be your girl..
Leave me alone you said,
But you don’t know dear who is left alone..
These tears are invaluable my love
Thou you may not know now
Its my heart crying..
Cos its just that which is hurt..
Not me... not me...

all 4 u..

When you say I love you
I know I love you more..
When you say I miss you
I blush, I like it when you do..
When you say tata everytime
My heart leaps out to say please don’t go
When you hold me in your arms
I am sure its the best place to stay..
When we walk hand in hand
I feel your heart beats, all for me....
When you say I look beautiful
I know,cos am made for u..
When you say I can’t live without you
honey pls know, neither do I..

Miss those times..

I miss those times.. The times when we used to hang around in the college gallery, when the rest of the college was attending lectures.. Nothing much to talk, enjoying the breeze, the shade, the silence.. When our hearts spoke to each other.. When we realised our own world.. I miss those times.. at the milma booth beside, the countless pazhamporis u bought for me.. pampered me.. I miss those times, when u waited for me to come out of my class, to sit behind you on your bike and drive on the empty roads.. I felt like a princess, happiness of the whole world was mine... I miss those times, the frequent visits to EFC, where we discussed most of our future, where you took me to dreams.. where you showed me how our life will be.. I miss those times.. when we had nothing else in mind, you in mine and me in yours!! I thank the moment, just that one moment, which made me realise that I can be yours.. Forever and ever..



I miss those times when you were my sole company in class.. such a short time and the extent to which we became close.. I poured out to you, the indifference of other people, how strange I felt at times.. My life had changed and only you could accept that.. I miss those times, when you me and he were like a family, the small trips in car with u behind, my dreams with him I shared with you.. you alone.. I miss those times, with you, our project, seminar, labs, assignments, combined studies.. and one day you became the bride and I missed that too!!


I miss those times... when that small hostel room was not actually small for the 4+1 of us! I miss those times when I was the alarm for all of you in the mornings.. when we took shifts in the mornings to use the bathroom, when we shared the mirror, we exchanged our new tops, when I preferred your opinion about my dress to mine. the everyday walk to college together.. I miss those times, when the single cot was enough for two of us, where we lay down and relaxed, chatting..talking.. laughing..I miss those times, when your bag was mine, my shoes were yours.. and earings!! We had plenty in common.. I miss those times.. when dinner time was together, no matter what!.. Your life was mine, the A-Z I knew.. I miss those times.. the study leaves, the chatters, jokes, laughter, movies, combined studies, birthday gifts, songs, orkut.. I miss those times with you all..


I miss those times too.. when u and I were together all the 8 hours of the day.. when we longed to reach the school.. the company of each other we enjoyed the most. when we listened to long boring classes with novels beneath the desks.. I miss those times.. when our innocence was exploring the world outside.. the little secrets we shared.. the small joys too.. I miss those times.. colour dress only on Saturdays, the lunch boxes we exchanged, the stories we wrote in copy-writing books.. I miss those times, when nothing else mattered to us, the world was silly, just we mattered. and our friends..


This post is dedicated to those few people who were very close to me at some point of time.. Times changed, lives changed.. We shed tears in farewell, but the closeness still persists.. I met new people, made new friends, but the moments I shared with you all are irreplaceable.. I will always miss those times..

P.S: the above lines are not applicable for the person in the first para! :)

25 Random things..

Amith gave me this tag and couldnt resist writing it fast. In fact 25 is less, I could keep on writing on this. Mainly about me, so taking an anticipatory bail, in case u get bored!!


1.I love appreciations, I am the happiest if someone tells I look good, I get unhappy if someone doesn’t notice my new dress... Makes me wonder, if I am dressing up for them!

2.I love myself, I love to see myself in mirror, I don’t miss any reflective surface on the roads, to have a look at myself.

3.I am damn possessive about the people I hold close to my heart... I get jealous if someone else tries to take my position in that persons life and might react strange, really strange

4.I long for attention, I want my dear ones to care for me, talk to me, pamper me.. ALWAYS..

5.I have already found out a name for my baby.

6.I am waiting for the day to become the bride.. like anything..

7.I am crazy about sarees, dressing up traditionally, and wait for such occasions to show off.

8.I believe in GOD, there is nothing I pray which HE hasn’t given me. And I won’t be able to pray for things which I don’t deserve, even if I tell my mind to do so.

9.I am a very open person, I don’t like keeping emotions to myself, I just pour out.

10.I have always wanted to be a good human being and I try my best at it, I don’t keep negative feelings inside, I have good self-control.

11.I am happy with life the way it goes, I don’t crib and I hate people who crib.

12.Anoop is the only person who listens to all my silly thoughts and values them. I owe a lot to him!

13.I love talking to elders, experienced people, and seniors.

14.I am mad over donuts only from “mad over donuts”.

15.I don’t eat much, good food I mean; I eat all crap and put on weight.

16.I always step in other people’s shoes and see life, I like to know about other people, I love reading blogs.

17.I am very shy to dance, I think I am not flexible!!

18.I don’t care from which state in India you come from, but all that matters is you are an Indian, I am proud of my country. Actually, I am proud of anything I am associated with, my school, my college, organization i work for..

19.I get angry very easily, I express anger and then cry! But to people who are not close to me, I don’t express it at all.

20.I am very diplomatic, I agree to others viewpoint, though I don’t change mine. I like to keep people happy. I sometimes feel I should be a politician.

21.Its very easy to make me happy.

22.I dream of big things, but attainable ones, some of them I already achieved.

23.I am very particular about cleanliness, esp. bathrooms & kitchen!!

24.I like social drinking. :D

25.I love listening to music, it takes me to fantasies.. I admire people who sing well..

If you read till point 25, a big thanks to you!!

P.S : Once you finish reading, you can put comments too!!Ref pt 1,4. :)

March 8th 2009

It has just crossed midnight and I suddenly realised its women’s day today! I thought to wish all the beautiful ladies a very happy women’s day, with due respect to all the handsome guys who make them beautiful.. A lady by herself is a thing of beauty, an art of admiration, a resource by talent.. I am, I think, one of the many females, proud to be a female!! I enjoy my womanhood, totally, every percent of it.. I adore the respect, care and love I get being a woman.. I am no feminist here, I don’t fight for the rights of a woman, I don’t stand up and talk for gender equality.. Cos I never had to.. I am blessed with all good men in my life, men who understand the value of a woman! Be it my father, brother, my guy-friends, my colleagues or my wud-be... These men are great, and that’s why I really enjoy being the woman I am today! As a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a colleague, as a partner I got all my freedom, appreciation, encouragement, all that I can ask for!

I just take this opportunity to wish you all a HAPPY WOMENS DAY and salute all the guys for making us feel special!! Thank you.. Thanks a lot.. This day is cos of you..