Vidai..

Those days I never understood what it was all about.. shaadi ke baad vidai, rona dhona melodrama.. May be all those were nonsense to me.. All that mattered to me was that when you are getting married, when you are entering a phase of happiness, why all this drama for.. All that mattered to me was the love that existed between a couple, the urge to be together, the day both of them wait for..

Today I have different meanings to it.. When am almost there for marriage.. When my name is climbing up the waiting list.. Realisations have struck me.. My perspectives have changed.. I can say it has totally changed in the last 3 months.. May be I needed nothing more than the engagement.. My love has been approved, by parents, by public.. That’s all I wanted.. cos, me and he remain the same, before, now and even afterwards..

Marriage is gonna make a lot of difference, not to the relation between us.. But my relation with others.. I wish I can stop the world from revolving right now, I wish I have a time machine with me.. I wish I can lock and unlock it whenever I want.. I wish these days never end.. These days of togetherness, friends.. and… family too.. And some relations which make no sense to others..

                   

The promises that nothing will change echoes in my ears and mind, but have to accept, it will change.. the bubbliness in me might fade, the responsibilities and roles of a wife, daughter-in-law will take its place.. I wont be a child in that house.. nobody will pet me in that house.. I wont have a brother there to pamper me.. I wont have a mom to listen to my innocent sweet talks.. I wont be a child there, I will have to become a lady.. On whom they all have expectations, which am bound to fulfil. Only thing which will be familiar there will be his love for me.. Which yeah, would be enough to forget the rest of the world.. But will it be possible for me?

That day my brother had told- you are too small for marriage, are you actually ready for it? This question didn’t sound complicated then, but why is it feeling now... why do I feel like being a baby now? Why do I feel like getting all the love and concern? Do all girls experience this, or am I thinking weird? Why do I have a feeling even am gonna cry that day, after my marriage, for my vidai...

Just wanted you to know.. on your bday!

Just after a few minutes, its Saurabhs birthday.. This one is for you Saurabh Bhaiyya, the gift which you tried to guess..

I want you to know,
That you mean a lot to me..
If you ever need a company
A companion I will be..

I want you to know,
That words may be less..
But silence speaks too
When relations are the best..

I want you to know,
That I may be out of many
But you are very special
Today, tomorrow and forever..

I want you to know,
That I will cherish the moments with you
The cuttings, the movies, the lunches, the drives
All that we enjoy together..

I want you to know,
That times will fly..
You will marry, mature and old
But i will remain your sweet lil sis..  :)

I want you to know,
That tomorrow you will
Grow beyond the limits of reach
But dear, always be close to me..

May his soul rest in peace..

I know words wont help.. its all gone now.. he was no-one to me, but even I can feel the sorrow of his loss.. the sorrow of his family, his friends.. Tears fell uncontrollably when I read his orkut profile. Someone had scrapped “hey, are you alive?”.. No dear, he is really not! Difficult to accept? Just like me.. I wonder how his family will see him in that state, his mom who is still unaware that her son is no more, his lil sister who is unaware that her brothers body is being carried across all borders of the world, to reach her. His dad, who must be hiding his tears so that mom wont die of shock.. He must have been a great guy, he was my brothers friend, his ‘veeran’... “A funny little guy with great dreams and living life by the moments.” thats what he wrote about himself in orkut.. All his dreams are no more, his family’s hopes are no more, he is no more.. Why does God do this.. Why did your heart stop dear, when so many people like us where inside it.. Why did you leave your family to a shock of a heart attack?? You talked to them a few hours before you left them? Was it because your heart wanted to hear your moms voice for a last time.. If only she had known that..

Why am I crying like this? If you could make someone who has even seldom talked to you cry, u have any idea how your dear ones are living now?? Please come back dear.. please.. I heard about this on April 1st, I still believe someone fooled me.. Please come back hale and healthy, I want to see you on the tracks again.. your family needs you.. everyone wants you..


P.S : I wrote this just to control my tears by pouring them out here.. Whoever reads this, please pray for his soul.. Its so painful..we might recover later on, but the three others in his family never will.. Please pray for them too..