Tears...

This was written when I was totally low after a quarrel with him. Thought of not posting this, but with your permission dear, Iam.. Something for us to read and laugh later on in life.. :)


Burning I am inside, but still I have a smile on my face..
Will never let you down darling.. perfect couple we will be..
I will hide my tears for that.. may be weep silently..
But in the darkness, the world not watching me..
Leave me alone you said,
But you don’t know dear who is left alone..
In your dreams I live.. and the hopes you gave
You know too the hurdles I faced
Just to be your girl..
Leave me alone you said,
But you don’t know dear who is left alone..
These tears are invaluable my love
Thou you may not know now
Its my heart crying..
Cos its just that which is hurt..
Not me... not me...

A slambook..

Know what, “someone tag me” was my caption in gtalk for some days recently. Even then noone did :(.. Have been seeing this tag float around many blogs for quite some time now, so I took it up!! If I wait for Mr.Dream’r to finish and pass on I guess it will be v late.. waise, its my 3rd day of holiday getting wasted.. Tried to hit the keyboard yesterday night and you can see in the previous post, what I came up with.. couldn’t express as much as I wanted to..

Chalo, so lemme start to spill the beans.. Or may be a good lying trial!! :P


1. Last beverage: Tea! Am a tea freak.. esp the cutting.. I love to drink cutting at the road side with my friends..
2. Last phone call: My mother-in-law, err.. would-be I mean.. I was orkutting, she kept chatting :P
3. Last text message: My Saurabh bhaiyya, he was asking me for a drive, ooo, I love the ride in his car.. right there after this one!
4. Last song you listened to: “tum ho to” dats neha’s hello tune and I called her a few min back..
5. Last time you cried: today!! I saw a mallu senti movie which brought tears to me.. Normally I cry watching movies, imagining what happens if its real!! I have almost forgotten to cry in my life recently! Am soo happy..



HAVE YOU EVER...
6. Dated someone twice: Yes, have been dating my darling so many times now..
7. Been cheated on? Yes, Dad once told me he will buy me chocolate if I did his work and he didn’t.. many other situations too.. Am easily influenced you know :)
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? Yes, my neighbour’s baby, he started crying when I went near and kissed him, my friends made fun of me! :(
9. Lost someone special? Yes, this same day, 11 years back.. Will never forget Mar29. First lightning took thankamani auntie away, the first time I saw death close to me..
10. Been depressed? Ya ya.. sometimes I go into that state and take time to come back.. Surprisingly, it will be for no reason..
11. Been drunk and threw up? Never, any doubts on my capacity? He he..


LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
12.Blue
13. Red,black
14.White, pink



HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: Many..

16. Fallen out of love: No.. Never fallen out of “LOVE”

17. Laughed until you cried: Many times..

18. Met someone who changed you: No.. I didn’t have to change for anyone.. Ofcourse I must have improved..

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yeah.. and I value them a lott

20. Found out someone was talking about you: Many times.. I like that in fact.. If they talk good, I can be happy with myself, if not, then I can let them know that I heard it and embarrass them.. n ya, analyse too..

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Ya, I have .. me, swetha, saju, aishu, tinku used to kiss each other almost everyday in hostel! (on cheeks I mean) And then it turned out like my fiancée is my best friend too.. So, obvious!! :P

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: I can count and say may be 15-20..

23. How many kids do you want to have: One and only one.. We are very selfish :)

24. Do you have any pets: Not till now.. But I would love to have a doggie.. Just not having one, cos it will be a punishment for a pet to stay in an apartment.

25. Do you want to change your name: Not at all..Though I don’t like my name, it has given me my identity.. So I will never change..Hope name change after marriage is not a strict custom!

26. What did you do for your last birthday: I didn’t do anything other than cutting a cake.. Friends did the rest, they arranged a party, took me out and there I was in for a surprise.. My darling was already there!! Wow, I loved it..

27. What time did you wake up today: 8 am, very early considering it’s a Sunday. But had promised paav bhajji for friends and kept the word.. Btw, it was good! :O

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Was not getting sleep, so stayed online, got bored, took up something to write, couldn express much, still posted it..(guess, I said it earlier once)

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for : The day to become the bride.. Am dreaming that day for a long time now, but not yet ready for the days after that.. I want my life to continue as it is..

30. Last time you saw your father: In Jan, I had been home for my engagement in Jan.. Mumbai-kerala is not easy dearie..

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Thinking.. will come up with an answer later..

32. Most visited web page: May be orkut.com.. I go and peep into my friends life’s very often :P And yaa, google.com too.

Whats your:
33. Name: Ranjitha

34. Nicknames:Ammu (dats wat he calls me), Ranji (my parents and friends call me), Chakku (my dear college friends call me) and kunjimol (my bro calls me)and yaa Ani too..(Saurabh calls me)

35. Zodiac sign: Taurus

36. Male or female or transgendered: Very much a female..

37. Elementary: Holy trinity school

38. School: Holy trinity school & Kendriya vidyalaya

39. Colleges: The great GEC, (Govt Engg college)Thrissur.

40. Hair color: Black

41. Long or short: Short I guess, dats what my mom says..

42. Height: 5'5"

43. Do you have a crush on someone? No re.. :P

44. Ever been in love?: Continuing in love..

45. Piercings?: have pierced ears.. wanna pierce nose too..

46. Tattoos?: I don’t like tattoos on my skin..

47. Righty or lefty: Righty


FIRSTS :
48. First surgery: Nothing till now, am brought up healthy.. :P

49. First piercing: on the 28th day after birth..They celebrated that day while I cried aloud :(

50. First best friend: Sharija if I remember right, No idea where she is right now! I realised the meaning of real friendship may be in 9th std, and then Sruthi was my best friend.

51. First sport you loved: ha ha, never loved sports, rather am always scared of them!

52. First pet Jimmy, he was my grandmothers pet.. Such a faithful creature.. We went to grannys house once a year and from far he will get our smell and start wagging his tail..

53. First vacation: Ooty, I didn enjoy much.. the first vacation I really enjoyed was Mysore :P

54. First concert: Some in college, but I cant call them real concert, then went for Pankaj Udhaas, Shubha Mudgal.. Sonu Nigam too.. So first is Pankaj Udhaas.

55. First crush: When I sat between two fatties in school.. :P


RIGHT NOW:
56. Eating: Nothing.. Am skipping dinner tonight

57. Drinking: Water.

58. I'm about to: finish this off and go on a drive..

59. Listening to: My heart beat.. :P

60. Waiting for: Next weekend.. This one is over :(



YOUR FUTURE :
61. Want kids?: Just one ..

62. Want to get married?: Definitely yes..

63. Careers in mind?: Let them be in mind.. Ya, ambitious I am..



WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
64. Lips or eyes: Eyes

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.. There is nothing more comfortable than a hug.

66. Shorter or taller: Taller

67. Older or Younger: Older

68. Romantic or spontaneous: Both.

69. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice strong arms. On which I can hang on..

70. Sensitive or loud: Loud, sensitive is for gals I feel.

71. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.

72. Trouble maker or hesitant: not either.


HAVE YOU EVER :
73. Kissed a stranger: Never! My kisses are not to be wasted..

74. Lost glasses/contacts: have lost contacts in my address book of the mob fone! :O

75. Sex on first date: We didn’t get that much time.. phew!

76. Broken someone's heart: If people break their heart, I cant help it.. :P since hearts are not made of glass, I think I haven’t broken any! (Sounding cruel, huh?)

77. Has your heart been broken: Nay!!

78. Been arrested: Not by police :P

79. Turned someone down: Maybe.

80. Cried when someone died: ya I do, everytime.. Its very difficult for me to accept anybody’s death, thou not very close.. the very feeling that I cant see that person again in life makes me sad.

81. Liked a friend that is a girl?: Many..


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
81. Yourself: Yes

82. Miracles: not really..

83. God: tooo much..

84. Love at first sight: No.. and worse, may be I believe the opposite, even if u don’t like the person in the first sight, you might end up falling in love with him..

85. Heaven: yes.. I have a feeling it’s a white snowy place where u can fly around.. :O

86. Santa Clause: No

87. Kiss on the first date? Yes... its so special..

88. Angels: No.. unless when he calls me!!

89. Devils: No..


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
90. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Ya, many.. I like my friends around all the time..

91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: Nope! Ppl say its difficult to manage one alone!!

92. Wanted to kill someone ever? Don’t remember, am non-violent!

93. Among your blog mates, whom would you like to kiss?: If only he writes blogs!

94. Committed a blunder and regretted later?: Ha ha .. many.. For that matter who doesn’t commit blunders..

95. Wanted to steal you friend's boyfriend / girlfriend?: Nay, my friends don’t have boyfriends worthy enough to steal..

Associate with someone you know:
96. White: Me, I believe in peace u know!
97. Black: Ambuly, just saw his pic in the black shirt..
98. Pink: My roomie sowmya, for unknown reasons, her nick is pinkie!! :P
99. Red: My dear Anoop.. I mostly see him in red.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?: No, posting this as “A slambook” :O

So Iam done! Are you ready??

all 4 u..

When you say I love you
I know I love you more..
When you say I miss you
I blush, I like it when you do..
When you say tata everytime
My heart leaps out to say please don’t go
When you hold me in your arms
I am sure its the best place to stay..
When we walk hand in hand
I feel your heart beats, all for me....
When you say I look beautiful
I know,cos am made for u..
When you say I can’t live without you
honey pls know, neither do I..

Miss those times..

I miss those times.. The times when we used to hang around in the college gallery, when the rest of the college was attending lectures.. Nothing much to talk, enjoying the breeze, the shade, the silence.. When our hearts spoke to each other.. When we realised our own world.. I miss those times.. at the milma booth beside, the countless pazhamporis u bought for me.. pampered me.. I miss those times, when u waited for me to come out of my class, to sit behind you on your bike and drive on the empty roads.. I felt like a princess, happiness of the whole world was mine... I miss those times, the frequent visits to EFC, where we discussed most of our future, where you took me to dreams.. where you showed me how our life will be.. I miss those times.. when we had nothing else in mind, you in mine and me in yours!! I thank the moment, just that one moment, which made me realise that I can be yours.. Forever and ever..



I miss those times when you were my sole company in class.. such a short time and the extent to which we became close.. I poured out to you, the indifference of other people, how strange I felt at times.. My life had changed and only you could accept that.. I miss those times, when you me and he were like a family, the small trips in car with u behind, my dreams with him I shared with you.. you alone.. I miss those times, with you, our project, seminar, labs, assignments, combined studies.. and one day you became the bride and I missed that too!!


I miss those times... when that small hostel room was not actually small for the 4+1 of us! I miss those times when I was the alarm for all of you in the mornings.. when we took shifts in the mornings to use the bathroom, when we shared the mirror, we exchanged our new tops, when I preferred your opinion about my dress to mine. the everyday walk to college together.. I miss those times, when the single cot was enough for two of us, where we lay down and relaxed, chatting..talking.. laughing..I miss those times, when your bag was mine, my shoes were yours.. and earings!! We had plenty in common.. I miss those times.. when dinner time was together, no matter what!.. Your life was mine, the A-Z I knew.. I miss those times.. the study leaves, the chatters, jokes, laughter, movies, combined studies, birthday gifts, songs, orkut.. I miss those times with you all..


I miss those times too.. when u and I were together all the 8 hours of the day.. when we longed to reach the school.. the company of each other we enjoyed the most. when we listened to long boring classes with novels beneath the desks.. I miss those times.. when our innocence was exploring the world outside.. the little secrets we shared.. the small joys too.. I miss those times.. colour dress only on Saturdays, the lunch boxes we exchanged, the stories we wrote in copy-writing books.. I miss those times, when nothing else mattered to us, the world was silly, just we mattered. and our friends..


This post is dedicated to those few people who were very close to me at some point of time.. Times changed, lives changed.. We shed tears in farewell, but the closeness still persists.. I met new people, made new friends, but the moments I shared with you all are irreplaceable.. I will always miss those times..

P.S: the above lines are not applicable for the person in the first para! :)

25 Random things..

Amith gave me this tag and couldnt resist writing it fast. In fact 25 is less, I could keep on writing on this. Mainly about me, so taking an anticipatory bail, in case u get bored!!


1.I love appreciations, I am the happiest if someone tells I look good, I get unhappy if someone doesn’t notice my new dress... Makes me wonder, if I am dressing up for them!

2.I love myself, I love to see myself in mirror, I don’t miss any reflective surface on the roads, to have a look at myself.

3.I am damn possessive about the people I hold close to my heart... I get jealous if someone else tries to take my position in that persons life and might react strange, really strange

4.I long for attention, I want my dear ones to care for me, talk to me, pamper me.. ALWAYS..

5.I have already found out a name for my baby.

6.I am waiting for the day to become the bride.. like anything..

7.I am crazy about sarees, dressing up traditionally, and wait for such occasions to show off.

8.I believe in GOD, there is nothing I pray which HE hasn’t given me. And I won’t be able to pray for things which I don’t deserve, even if I tell my mind to do so.

9.I am a very open person, I don’t like keeping emotions to myself, I just pour out.

10.I have always wanted to be a good human being and I try my best at it, I don’t keep negative feelings inside, I have good self-control.

11.I am happy with life the way it goes, I don’t crib and I hate people who crib.

12.Anoop is the only person who listens to all my silly thoughts and values them. I owe a lot to him!

13.I love talking to elders, experienced people, and seniors.

14.I am mad over donuts only from “mad over donuts”.

15.I don’t eat much, good food I mean; I eat all crap and put on weight.

16.I always step in other people’s shoes and see life, I like to know about other people, I love reading blogs.

17.I am very shy to dance, I think I am not flexible!!

18.I don’t care from which state in India you come from, but all that matters is you are an Indian, I am proud of my country. Actually, I am proud of anything I am associated with, my school, my college, organization i work for..

19.I get angry very easily, I express anger and then cry! But to people who are not close to me, I don’t express it at all.

20.I am very diplomatic, I agree to others viewpoint, though I don’t change mine. I like to keep people happy. I sometimes feel I should be a politician.

21.Its very easy to make me happy.

22.I dream of big things, but attainable ones, some of them I already achieved.

23.I am very particular about cleanliness, esp. bathrooms & kitchen!!

24.I like social drinking. :D

25.I love listening to music, it takes me to fantasies.. I admire people who sing well..

If you read till point 25, a big thanks to you!!

P.S : Once you finish reading, you can put comments too!!Ref pt 1,4. :)

One more time...

Who would not like to be reborn?? Everyone does.. And the most commonly found answer to “whom do you want to be reborn as?” is myself!! Guess everyone loves thy self as much as I do.. If Kareena had not said it in Jab we met – I could have innovatively disclaimed now – Mein apni favourite hoon!! Haan I am.. But certainly I wish I have something more in my next birth.. Was just giving it a thought, what more would I like to have, and only a few silly demands my mind came up with!! Too contented huh, may be!! :)

1.People who know me know very well that I would definitely want to eliminate this “sensitive” topic from my life forever, atleast in the next birth, if not this!! To put this in a better way, I wish my rate of metabolism is a lil higher next time!! I mean, I could then eat anything, without the fear of putting on tyres and the thus eliminate the torturous situation of being a victim to the mocking from my friends just for the sadistic pleasure of seeing me feel like “an auntie” which I am NOT!! I assure you guys, am not!! Now I seriously should post one of my 4*6 size pic on the blog for proof may be!! Will do, not a worry.. ;)


2.I only wish I had a little more hair on my head, just a little more!! I could have avoided the monthly visits to Dr.Shende and even he could have avoided the close examinations of my head, not that he would like to stop it, I know he will then miss out a potential patient! I am sure I would faint out of agony if I see my vast scalp with scanty hair through the magnifying lens as he does! But still I take all efforts not to succumb to the killer hair fall!


3.I now think of the many technologies I missed out when I was a child.. Know what, I never played computer games in life!! These days I see the techno-savvy kids around, believe me, I know a 7th STD girl who uses google to get her assignments done!! Oh, I realize now, how much I missed google in school, my only tool for survival now!! Why didn’t they come up with ipods and mobiles when we were in school?? The only connection I had with a mobile was when the richest boy in school once brought his dads mobile phone- as big as a pencil box. Technology has no full-stop, so it may naturally be not possible to take a rebirth once all the inventions are done!! So to all the scientists and techies of the world- make it fast ppl!!  We are waiting!


4.This may be weirder, but I want to go to space some day. Now, I have postponed this dream to the next birth! I want to see and explore in the darkness, not in the space shuttles, I want to fly around, no gravity to get hold off me... I want to live there in our own den, take trips to the twinkling stars and planets around and return to our dear earth after the great holiday!


5.There are two things which I have realized in the course of time that they are just not meant for me – they being singing and sports... Sports, I realized on my own and singing, people made me realise! Hope you get the difference here. I want to experience how it feels when I am a sportsperson, a professional I mean... Living, eating drinking sports! Fans following me, jerseys with my face on them.. Its not the popularity I long for, the sense of accomplishment which they get when they win for their country... Ah, what a feeling!! Or a singer may be, (ofcos not both at the same time, sports can wait for the birth after the next) I have already started to pen down the list of songs I would sing for my darling!! Atleast I have to do that much na- considering the extent to which he tolerates my singing now!


6.I want to be born to my amma even in the next birth, giving her all the happiness in life. I wish to become the perfect daughter, fulfill everything she expects...live together happily, with no complaints and regrets... bring only smiles to people around me!


Lot many silly things coming up.. Want to know some of yours too... Many may be common, many wierder!! Would love to read all of them..

If you ask me the priority of the list above, I would definitely say, its in the increasing order!

March 8th 2009

It has just crossed midnight and I suddenly realised its women’s day today! I thought to wish all the beautiful ladies a very happy women’s day, with due respect to all the handsome guys who make them beautiful.. A lady by herself is a thing of beauty, an art of admiration, a resource by talent.. I am, I think, one of the many females, proud to be a female!! I enjoy my womanhood, totally, every percent of it.. I adore the respect, care and love I get being a woman.. I am no feminist here, I don’t fight for the rights of a woman, I don’t stand up and talk for gender equality.. Cos I never had to.. I am blessed with all good men in my life, men who understand the value of a woman! Be it my father, brother, my guy-friends, my colleagues or my wud-be... These men are great, and that’s why I really enjoy being the woman I am today! As a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a colleague, as a partner I got all my freedom, appreciation, encouragement, all that I can ask for!

I just take this opportunity to wish you all a HAPPY WOMENS DAY and salute all the guys for making us feel special!! Thank you.. Thanks a lot.. This day is cos of you..